Dealing with Meddling Family Members When Going Through Divorce

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Divorce weighs heavy not just on the couple who are going through the separation but also the family members who are naturally concerned and affected by it too. It’s hard to envision a couple as single individuals after months or years of seeing them together. It is natural to help them sort out their differences and offer advice. But interfering family members can often worsen the situation.

The decision to divorce should start and end with the couple themselves. It is best for the family members to not take sides. But telling them not to interfere can be a sensitive matter. It’s hard to do so without hurting their feelings or creating cracks in your relationship. How do you handle that in the best interests of everyone? Here are a few tips:

Don’t talk about divorce in public

To avoid others interfering in your private matters, be mindful of what you discuss in public. If you are talking about differences and divorce, those around you may be listening in and noting all the information. The more they know, the more they will form unwanted opinions and use information against you or your spouse. Information that comes from personal opinions may not be factual, but based more on hurt emotions. This might fuel matters and you may find the two of you becoming more antagonistic towards each other which might come in the way of a collaborative divorce.

Discourage others from taking sides

Family members tend to take sides when a couple contemplates divorce. It’s natural for parents and siblings, even close friends to support one person, give them advice and reprimand the other. But discourage them to do so because the consequences are undesirable. This makes the process more difficult, cause unnecessary delay and prevent the couple from cordially coming to an agreement on a settlement. The only advice that you need to pay heed to is that of your attorney.

Never allow them to put down your spouse

Public shaming is hurtful. It spurs more resentment, anger and a vengeful temperament. It is important to respect the relationship that was once based on love. Do not let your family and friends put your spouse down in public or private. For a healthy and quick resolution, treat your spouse with respect and request your dear ones from not judging the other. Ask for support and respect for both your decisions instead. 

Never let them discuss the divorce with children

If there are children and custody involved, handle the matter even more sensitively. Divorce can adversely affect children in the long run, affecting the way they handle their future relationships. The only people who should discuss matters on the subject with them should be you and your spouse. Opinions from others could also affect their relationship between you two, fuelling resentment and animosity. Sometimes, children are easy targets for family members to extract information from. Set down guidelines firmly for family members to follow. All proceedings must be planned with their welfare in mind. Never fight with your spouse in front of the children either. It can cause severe emotional damage. To avoid conflict with everyone, keep matters private and confidential and follow the advice of a reliable divorce attorney.

Clean Divorce

Divorce can be an emotionally excruciating not just for the couple involved but for all of their near and dear ones. To avoid a messy one, call Clean Divorce for a congenial, collaborative divorce observing a no-court approach. In such a situation, both spouses have legal access to professional experts who offer financial and emotional support. Call us for a consultation.

How You Can Save Money with Collaborative Divorce

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Ending a relationship can be a rather emotional and tough decision. After all, no one chooses to separate or divorce unless the relationship has become unbearable. Some separating couples are able simply come to terms, “shake hands”, and walk away; most cannot. If you do not have children or property, the process is much easier. However, when there are kids and assets/debts involved, generally the process gets more complicated. Then there are some cases, where the parties have high conflict and can’t agree on parenting time, division or assets/debts etc. Just because your issues are complicated or you have high conflict, does not mean you spend your life-savings in litigation.

A growing number of separating couples these days use Collaborative Divorce. In Collaborative Divorce, each party would have their own highly trained certified Collaborative lawyer to represent them. Both parties and their Collaborative lawyers sign a participation agreement giving their commitment not to go to court. The parties and their Collaboratively trained lawyers attend 4-Way meeting (2 parties and 2 lawyers) and try to resolve all outstanding issues between the parties. Most separating parties go through more than one of these meetings.

The main focus during these meetings is to have interest-based negotiations rather than positional negotiation. The parties and their Collaborative lawyers, during these meetings, can also determine whether they need any parenting counsellors for their children, divorce coaches for themselves, financial experts, etc. Any decisions are done by joint agreement of both parties. 96% of the couples choosing the Collaborative process, successfully end the process with a fully signed separation agreement in place.

Collaborative Divorce eases the emotional and financial challenges during a separation. Typically, Collaborative Divorce helps you save tens of thousands of dollars compared to litigation. If you choose the Collaborative process, your lawyer will not have to appear in multiple court appearances, prepare and review documents and evidence for court hearings and simply wait in court for your matter to be heard. Moreover, you can eliminate the emotional trauma of participating in conflicts, which is a huge part of any litigation proceeding. Divorce Coaches, in a Collaborative Divorce can help you to manage the conflict properly, which can otherwise bog you down for months or years at the expense of your relationships, employment, mental health, finances, etc.

Whether your separation or divorce costs you your life-savings depends on whether you have a Collaborative Divorce or not. If you are going through separation or divorce and need more information on Collaborative Divorce or need a Collaborative Divorce lawyer, contact Rahul Aggarwal at Clean Divorce in Vancouver for a FREE 20-minute initial consultation.

 

 

List of Initial Divorce To-Dos

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Separation or Divorce is complicated. It can affect you in legally, financially and emotionally. Dividing property that a couple has acquired throughout their marriage can be one of the most contentious parts of a divorce or separation. Your divorce lawyer can help ease some of your financial and legal stresses by advocating for your interests.

Lawyers would often need a number of documents from you so they could provide you proper legal advice. It would save you time and legal fees if you are able to gather some documents mentioned below before meeting with your divorce lawyer. Being organized will not only save you money, it will also give your family lawyer a useful overview of the assets or debts likely at issue. The more information you give your lawyer, the better they can protect your needs and interests.

The following is a list of documents you should gather before meeting with divorce lawyer; however, given your circumstances your divorce lawyer may require additional documents:

Checklist of Documents to Gather for Your Divorce Lawyer

  • Income Tax Returns for the past three years. Sometimes these are also referred to as T1 General(s)
  • Notices of Assessment for the past three years
  • Business Income Tax Returns for the past three years. Sometimes these are also referred to as T2 General(s)
  • Proof of your current income (latest pay stub)
  • Proof of your spouse’s current income, if available
  • Latest bank statements for all your (and your spouse’s, if available) accounts
  • Latest statements for your (and your spouse’s, if available) mortgage account, credit cards and any other loans
  • Your (and your spouse’s, if available) pension statement(s)
  • RRSP, TFSA, or other Stock account statements
  • Property Assessment statements from the City
  • Monthly budget worksheet, if any
  • Life insurance policy(ies) statement(s)
  • Health insurance policy statement(s)
  • Personal property appraisals, if available
  • Real property appraisals, if available

 

If applicable

 

  • Prenuptial or cohabitation/marriage agreement that might have been signed during or before the relation
  • Documents regarding Family Trusts
  • List and proof of property owned by either party before cohabitation
  • List of property acquired by each spouse individually by gift or inheritance during the relationship
  • List of contents inside safety deposit boxes
  • Living Wills
  • Advance Health Care Directives

 

Every situation is different. Couples enter and leave relationships due to different circumstances and with different assets/debts. To ensure no assets or debts are overlooked, you should always have an open and frank discussion with your family lawyer regarding all of the assets and debts you and your spouse own.

Starting the Separation or Divorce Process

You may feel overwhelmed by all of the steps required if you are just beginning the divorce process. If you have children, the process can also be much more emotionally challenging. If you feel overwhelmed by your situation, rest assured, you are not alone and what you are experiencing is normal. Your family lawyer can guide you step by step on how to proceed in order to protect yourself, your child(ren) and maintain the sensitive family relationships.

 

If you or your loved one is going through separation or divorce, contact Rahul Aggarwal at Clean Divorce in Vancouver for a FREE 20-minute initial consultation.