Key Points in Making Collaborative Divorce a Success

Divorces are often messy and cause a lot of stress. A collaborative divorce is an easier way for both parties to put the past behind them and move on with their lives. It’s also easier on the children, if the couple has any, and will save you both time and money so that you can start a new chapter in your life.

In order for a collaborative divorce to be a success, certain elements have to be considered to make the divorce tolerable. If you’re considering a collaborative divorce, keep the following points in mind to help you with the process:

  1. Trust the team around you. Collaborative divorce makes use of a team of people, including financial advisors, accountants, child counsellors and your lawyer. Each person brings their expertise to the case, and while it may seem overwhelming at first, it’s a great way of handling all the issues in great detail so that nothing is left unresolved. Instead of having just a lawyer, you have a team of people working to make your divorce process as smooth as possible.
  2. Arrive prepared for each meeting. Do your homework and have all of the requested paperwork ready when you arrive to your meetings or sessions to make the process faster and easier. Your lawyer may request a list of assets or financial documents, for example. Take the time to prepare these in advance so that there are no delays.
  3. Remember that it’s not a competition but rather a compromise so that the best outcome can be reached for all parties involved. There is no winner and everyone benefits from this process because it’s faster and more affordable than litigation. The goal is to find solutions for all aspects connected to the divorce as opposed to having a winner and a loser.
  4. While it can be difficult, do your best to listen to your spouse and hear their point of view. In a collaborative divorce, the focus is on both parties so that fair solutions can be reached that are desirable for all. This means listening to the other side and trying to understand their feelings as well. This will help come up with solutions that both parties are fine with.
  5. Ask your lawyer as many questions as you need to. It’s important that you’re comfortable during the process, so if you need clarification regarding a topic or a better explanation of a matter being discussed, ask for a break and talk to your lawyer privately for a better understanding. Your lawyer should be able to answer all of your questions and address any concerns so that you feel comfortable.

Clean Divorce wants to help put this difficult chapter behind you. If a collaborative divorce is an option you wish to explore or require divorce mediation or a legal separation agreement, Clean Divorce can help! If you’re ready to move on, give them a call today!

List of Initial Divorce To-Dos

Separation or Divorce is complicated. It can affect you in legally, financially and emotionally. Dividing property that a couple has acquired throughout their marriage can be one of the most contentious parts of a divorce or separation. Your divorce lawyer can help ease some of your financial and legal stresses by advocating for your interests.

Lawyers would often need a number of documents from you so they could provide you proper legal advice. It would save you time and legal fees if you are able to gather some documents mentioned below before meeting with your divorce lawyer. Being organized will not only save you money, it will also give your family lawyer a useful overview of the assets or debts likely at issue. The more information you give your lawyer, the better they can protect your needs and interests.

The following is a list of documents you should gather before meeting with divorce lawyer; however, given your circumstances your divorce lawyer may require additional documents:

Checklist of Documents to Gather for Your Divorce Lawyer

  • Income Tax Returns for the past three years. Sometimes these are also referred to as T1 General(s)
  • Notices of Assessment for the past three years
  • Business Income Tax Returns for the past three years. Sometimes these are also referred to as T2 General(s)
  • Proof of your current income (latest pay stub)
  • Proof of your spouse’s current income, if available
  • Latest bank statements for all your (and your spouse’s, if available) accounts
  • Latest statements for your (and your spouse’s, if available) mortgage account, credit cards and any other loans
  • Your (and your spouse’s, if available) pension statement(s)
  • RRSP, TFSA, or other Stock account statements
  • Property Assessment statements from the City
  • Monthly budget worksheet, if any
  • Life insurance policy(ies) statement(s)
  • Health insurance policy statement(s)
  • Personal property appraisals, if available
  • Real property appraisals, if available

 

If applicable

 

  • Prenuptial or cohabitation/marriage agreement that might have been signed during or before the relation
  • Documents regarding Family Trusts
  • List and proof of property owned by either party before cohabitation
  • List of property acquired by each spouse individually by gift or inheritance during the relationship
  • List of contents inside safety deposit boxes
  • Living Wills
  • Advance Health Care Directives

 

Every situation is different. Couples enter and leave relationships due to different circumstances and with different assets/debts. To ensure no assets or debts are overlooked, you should always have an open and frank discussion with your family lawyer regarding all of the assets and debts you and your spouse own.

Starting the Separation or Divorce Process

You may feel overwhelmed by all of the steps required if you are just beginning the divorce process. If you have children, the process can also be much more emotionally challenging. If you feel overwhelmed by your situation, rest assured, you are not alone and what you are experiencing is normal. Your family lawyer can guide you step by step on how to proceed in order to protect yourself, your child(ren) and maintain the sensitive family relationships.

 

If you or your loved one is going through separation or divorce, contact Rahul Aggarwal at Clean Divorce in Vancouver for a FREE 20-minute initial consultation.

5 Key Reasons to Choose Collaborative Divorce

When people get married, they don’t do so with the thought that they may get divorced one day.  When people think of divorce, they usually think of the nasty divorces that they see play out on television and in the movies…where exes are fighting over assets and child custody.  Fortunately, that isn’t the only option.  Unfortunately, many people aren’t aware of the other option, which is Collaborative Divorce.

These are the top 5 key reasons why people choose Collaborative Divorce:

(1.) Stay Out of Court

Divorcing Collaboratively means staying out of Court and keeping your records private.  You meet privately with your spouse and lawyers to negotiate, make decisions that are best for all involved, and settle amicably. Read more here about keeping divorce records private.

(2.) Save Time

Taking a divorce to Court could potentially take years, and who has time for that?  Collaborative Divorce could take less than six months. The actual amount of time depends on each individual case.

(3.) Be in Control

Wouldn’t it be better for you and your ex to make the decisions instead of relying on a Judge to step in?  When a Judge decides what is going to happen, you can’t just go and change the outcome if you don’t agree with it.  It’s iron-clad.  That is the whole point of going to Court after all.

(4.) Make Things Easier on the Kids

If you have kids, it’s a good idea to put your ego aside and think of what would be in their best interest in terms of your divorce.  This is because divorce can be traumatizing enough without escalating the conflict even more.  It is much healthier for kids to be able to see their mom and dad working through things in a mature fashion.  This will also help them become more resilient through the changes that come along with divorce. Read more about talking to kids about separation and divorce.

(5.) Less Stress

Working together is much easier on both parties than working against each other in the adversarial Court process.  Also, with the shorter duration that it takes to come to a resolution (as compared to divorcing in Court) it also enables spouses to move on faster.  Who wants to carry all of that extra stress on their shoulders for longer than it has to be?

If you are located in New Westminster or the Vancouver area, call Rahul at Clean Divorce for a FREE 20-minute initial consultation for Collaborative Divorce.

How to Handle Anger that Arises from Separation and Divorce

If you are having a difficult time dealing with your spouse with regard to your separation, it may help to contact a mediator.  You may also find that choosing Collaborative Divorce over a court-based divorce can minimize the amount of hard feelings and anger towards each other. Contact Clean Divorce for a FREE 20-minute initial consultation on both of these.

There are so many different emotions that people go through during and after a separation or divorce.  It is such a huge life change, so it’s to be expected. In addition to feeling disappointment, hurt, and loss, there is also a lot of anger, which many people have a very difficult time dealing with.

Here are 5 strategies that can help you face your anger from separation and divorce in a healthier way:

1. Don’t deny your anger.

Addressing the fact that you are angry is a very positive step. Many people shut down when it comes to these hostile feelings, in hopes that they will just go away, but this usually just evolves into depression.  This anger can end up building up like a volcano – one that will eventually erupt – and that is not healthy for anyone.

It is a good exercise to ask yourself “What am I really angry about?” Make a list of all of the reasons and be very specific. Once you have done this, you can become clearer about how you can begin to let go of this anger and how much better that would feel.  The key is to try to understand your anger instead of feeding into it.  It can be really helpful to seek the help of a professional counsellor or attend anger management classes.

2. Realize that your anger can be the driving force to implement change.

Once you let go of all of the anger that you are carrying around, you can use all of that energy in more positive ways.  You can come up with a plan as to how you can better deal with future situations that stir these same feelings within you, instead of lashing out and letting them control you. We always learn best from experience, after all.  It really is your choice to hold onto the anger or let go of it.  You will be much happier if you choose the latter.

3. Don’t fear that you will lose control of your anger.

You may worry that if you face your anger and choose to let it go, that you will lose control of it.  The reality is that there probably is no basis to this concern.  Just be sure to find a safe and private place to express and vent your anger.  Ensure that you don’t take it out on anyone – especially if you have children.

4. Don’t be concerned about what other people will think.

No one knows what you are going through except you.  You have a right to express your feelings in any way, as long as you don’t harm anyone. People tend to be more embarrassed when it comes to showing their anger because it can be more frowned upon than showing sadness, for example.

5. Get regular exercise to release the stress.

The importance of exercise cannot be emphasized enough when it comes to dealing with stressful situations.  Go for a walk, a run, take a fitness class, or go to the gym.  Just do whatever you can get your heart pumping to help sweat the stress out of your system. Not only is exercise good for you physically…it is amazing for your mental health too.

Are you or someone you know contemplating separation or divorce? Call Rahul at Clean Divorce in New Westminster today.

 

5 Common Thoughts After Marriage Separation & Divorce

Everyone has their own way of coping with divorce. This includes telling ourselves certain things that can inhibit our healing and prevent us from moving on.

Here are 5 common thoughts that newly separated or divorced people have, and why they shouldn’t:

1. “I hate not having my kids around all of the time. I feel guilty.”

In reality, everyone can benefit from free time, whether it be to get errands done, or just to have a break to relieve stress. You shouldn’t feel guilty about having time away from your kids – it can actually make you a better parent. Use this time to spend alone, with friends, working out, enjoying hobbies, and the like.  Most parents can only wish they had more time to themselves!

2.  “I’m never going to meet anyone else. I hate dating.”

Way too often (married or not), people stay with their partner out of fear that they will not meet anyone else.  This is one of the worst reasons to stay with someone.  There is always a chance to meet someone else that you can be happy with, but that will never happen if you stay in your bad relationship.  When it comes to dating, you have to be positive and patient. Not everyone you meet will be a great match for you, but the most important thing is that you are putting yourself out there and trying!  The more dates you go on, the sooner you will find someone you click with.

3. “My ex ruined my life.”

They did not ruin your life because you still have your whole life ahead of you – one that will be full of new experiences, people, and fun times.  This was one chapter of your life, and you still have the whole book to explore. Be grateful of all of the good times that you had with your ex and for everything you learned from the relationship.  It’s important to take responsibility for your part in the relationship and do what you need to do to become a happier person NOW.  That could include counselling, dating new people, travelling, meeting new people, and so on. Dwelling on the past will not help you heal.

4. “My kids will know how badly they treated me!”

Be the bigger person and refrain from talking poorly about your ex to your children.  Divorce is extremely hard for kids to experience and the last thing they need is to feel like they are caught in the middle or have to dislike your ex to make you happy.  In the long run, you will feel better that you took this approach.

5. “Everyone knows the divorce was not my fault.”

There are always two sides to every story, and it’s simply best not to care what other people think or to try to sway their opinion.  It will actually reflect worse on you if you are constantly putting your ex down.  Sure, it is one thing to vent to friends, but keep it to a minimum. Remember, the less negativity you put out there, the more people will want to be around you…and you need your friends for support!

Do you know of someone considering separation or divorce? Do you need to talk to a divorce lawyer? Call Rahul.  He helps clients in Vancouver, New Westminster, Burnaby, Coquitlam, Richmond, Surrey, and area.