What to Do When a Friend is Divorcing

Posted on by rahul

If you have experienced separation or divorce, you know firsthand how painful and overwhelming it can be.  Even if it was a terrible situation, it doesn’t necessarily make it easier to move forward – you still have to go through the healing process and adjust to life without your spouse.

Do you know how you would handle it if your friend told you that they are getting a divorce?

This is not a time for you to give your two cents, put the other person down, or pick sides.  Nor should it be a time when you put the focus on you and share your story. No two separations or divorces are the same. Also,  remember that a breakup that you may have recently experienced is not equivalent to a divorce where lawyers have to get involved and issues like child custody may need to be addressed.

You should simply support your friend by being a good listener. Understand that they will likely be unable to have full control of their emotions at this time as well – possibly getting angry or very upset at the drop of a hat.  This is a time when you have to be extra sensitive to their feelings.  Don’t take  their reactions personally.

Of course you can give advice if asked – but be sure that it is positive, constructive, and empathetic advice, delivered in a gentle and non-judgmental way. Ensure that they know you will be there for them when they need you, but if they do call on you, make sure that you are truly there for them.  Real friends are there to support each other through these types of difficult life transitions.

It is important to respect one’s privacy. Don’t drill them for answers just to fulfill your curiosity.  If they share something with you, keep it to yourself.  Having their trust betrayed at such a vulnerable time could amplify things immensely.

Staying busy is a great way to help people cope and getting out with friends is a good way to start moving on with life – so be sure to invite them out and include them in your plans.  Even if they say they are not interested in hanging out, keep inviting them – just having an invite from someone can make a person feel better and supported.  It will also make them feel good to know that they have people to spend time with when they are ready to do so.

The bottom line – you should check on your friend often and make sure that they are okay.  Offer help when needed.  When someone is going through a hard time, the smallest gesture of kindness can make a world of difference.

 

10 Reasons to Choose Mediation for Separation or Divorce

Posted on by rahul

A family law mediator acts as a neutral party to help couples transition out of relationships in a healthy and peaceful way, without the stress of going to court. Experienced mediators help both parties see the viewpoint of the other, with the goal to reach an agreement that is best for everyone involved.

There are a number of factors that affect mediation for separation or divorce, including the complexity of the issues, whether children are involved, and the extent to which both spouses are motivated to seek a resolution. Mediators help couples resolve disputes regarding parenting time, child support, spousal support, the division of family property, etc.

In addition to keeping the situation fair and neutral, there are many benefits to hiring a mediator:

(1) Save time and avoid court delays – Compared to other forms of dispute resolution, mediation is very time effective. People are often surprised at how quickly a dispute can be resolved through hiring a skilled mediator. Court proceedings, for example, can potentially take years to conclude because the focus is on each spouse trying to prove their case (in terms of facts, fault, liability) to a judge. Mediation, on the other hand, is solely focused on settlement. Parties communicate directly with or without their lawyers. Plus, a qualified mediator is trained to resolve disputes quickly by keeping the parties focused and on track to expedite closure.

(2) Save money – Mediation is much more cost effective than a lawsuit. Mediation is handled out of court, so it bypasses the long and expensive court process. In mediation, there is only one mediator (one full-time professional) as opposed to two full-time lawyers trying to help the parties resolve their issues. Parties do not need to have full-time lawyers representing them throughout the process unless they want their lawyer(s) present at mediation. If the parties choose to attend mediation without their lawyers (which most people do), the mediator can help the parties resolve all their disputes, and the parties can then get independent legal advice from a lawyer of their choice.

(3) Protect assets – Mediation helps couples decide together what will happen to the family home, money, savings / investments, taxes, debts, etc. vs. having this dictated by a judge.

(4) Keep it confidential – Mediation happens in private. Unlike a public courtroom, no one usually sits in your mediation session except you or your lawyer. Information disclosed during mediation will not be revealed to anyone with very few exceptions. What happens in mediation is generally not admissible in court.

(5) Mediation improves communication and cooperation – As with all relationships, communication is key. With mediation, parties are more likely to openly discuss their views on the underlying dispute(s), which leads to mutually beneficial resolutions.

(6) Preserve relationships – In most cases, courts and litigation tends to bring out the worst in people, with both parties pointing fingers as to who did what. With mediation, there is a common goal of reaching an agreement vs. placing blame.

(7) Better flexibility for meeting times – As compared to litigation in court, both parties can agree on times to meet that won’t interfere with their work and other obligations.

(8) Better flexibility for parenting time – Parenting time can be agreed upon to best accommodate the schedules of both parties vs. having this decided upon in court.

(9) Less stress – When both parties have the goal of working together towards an amicable solution, there is less stress; you are in control over the outcome. Matters are discussed in a non-confrontation setting vs. arguing in a courtroom in an adversarial process. Also, knowing that your separation or divorce will be kept private also alleviates anxiety.

(10) Final say – Both parties have the final say as to what will happen – not a judge.

Should mediation happen to be unsuccessful, there is still an option to go to court.

To speak with a qualified mediator in Vancouver or New Westminster, call Rahul at Clean Divorce. He will be able to answer all of your questions regarding your options, rights, and how you can best protect yourself and your family when it comes to separating or divorce.