5 Key Reasons to Choose Collaborative Divorce

When people get married, they don’t do so with the thought that they may get divorced one day.  When people think of divorce, they usually think of the nasty divorces that they see play out on television and in the movies…where exes are fighting over assets and child custody.  Fortunately, that isn’t the only option.  Unfortunately, many people aren’t aware of the other option, which is Collaborative Divorce.

These are the top 5 key reasons why people choose Collaborative Divorce:

(1.) Stay Out of Court

Divorcing Collaboratively means staying out of Court and keeping your records private.  You meet privately with your spouse and lawyers to negotiate, make decisions that are best for all involved, and settle amicably. Read more here about keeping divorce records private.

(2.) Save Time

Taking a divorce to Court could potentially take years, and who has time for that?  Collaborative Divorce could take less than six months. The actual amount of time depends on each individual case.

(3.) Be in Control

Wouldn’t it be better for you and your ex to make the decisions instead of relying on a Judge to step in?  When a Judge decides what is going to happen, you can’t just go and change the outcome if you don’t agree with it.  It’s iron-clad.  That is the whole point of going to Court after all.

(4.) Make Things Easier on the Kids

If you have kids, it’s a good idea to put your ego aside and think of what would be in their best interest in terms of your divorce.  This is because divorce can be traumatizing enough without escalating the conflict even more.  It is much healthier for kids to be able to see their mom and dad working through things in a mature fashion.  This will also help them become more resilient through the changes that come along with divorce. Read more about talking to kids about separation and divorce.

(5.) Less Stress

Working together is much easier on both parties than working against each other in the adversarial Court process.  Also, with the shorter duration that it takes to come to a resolution (as compared to divorcing in Court) it also enables spouses to move on faster.  Who wants to carry all of that extra stress on their shoulders for longer than it has to be?

If you are located in New Westminster or the Vancouver area, call Rahul at Clean Divorce for a FREE 20-minute initial consultation for Collaborative Divorce.

 

How to Handle Anger that Arises from Separation and Divorce

If you are having a difficult time dealing with your spouse with regard to your separation, it may help to contact a mediator.  You may also find that choosing Collaborative Divorce over a court-based divorce can minimize the amount of hard feelings and anger towards each other. Contact Clean Divorce for a FREE 20-minute initial consultation on both of these.

There are so many different emotions that people go through during and after a separation or divorce.  It is such a huge life change, so it’s to be expected. In addition to feeling disappointment, hurt, and loss, there is also a lot of anger, which many people have a very difficult time dealing with.

Here are 5 strategies that can help you face your anger from separation and divorce in a healthier way:

1. Don’t deny your anger.

Addressing the fact that you are angry is a very positive step. Many people shut down when it comes to these hostile feelings, in hopes that they will just go away, but this usually just evolves into depression.  This anger can end up building up like a volcano – one that will eventually erupt – and that is not healthy for anyone.

It is a good exercise to ask yourself “What am I really angry about?” Make a list of all of the reasons and be very specific. Once you have done this, you can become clearer about how you can begin to let go of this anger and how much better that would feel.  The key is to try to understand your anger instead of feeding into it.  It can be really helpful to seek the help of a professional counsellor or attend anger management classes.

2. Realize that your anger can be the driving force to implement change.

Once you let go of all of the anger that you are carrying around, you can use all of that energy in more positive ways.  You can come up with a plan as to how you can better deal with future situations that stir these same feelings within you, instead of lashing out and letting them control you. We always learn best from experience, after all.  It really is your choice to hold onto the anger or let go of it.  You will be much happier if you choose the latter.

3. Don’t fear that you will lose control of your anger.

You may worry that if you face your anger and choose to let it go, that you will lose control of it.  The reality is that there probably is no basis to this concern.  Just be sure to find a safe and private place to express and vent your anger.  Ensure that you don’t take it out on anyone – especially if you have children.

4. Don’t be concerned about what other people will think.

No one knows what you are going through except you.  You have a right to express your feelings in any way, as long as you don’t harm anyone. People tend to be more embarrassed when it comes to showing their anger because it can be more frowned upon than showing sadness, for example.

5. Get regular exercise to release the stress.

The importance of exercise cannot be emphasized enough when it comes to dealing with stressful situations.  Go for a walk, a run, take a fitness class, or go to the gym.  Just do whatever you can get your heart pumping to help sweat the stress out of your system. Not only is exercise good for you physically…it is amazing for your mental health too.

Are you or someone you know contemplating separation or divorce? Call Rahul at Clean Divorce in New Westminster today.

 

Choose Collaborative Divorce and Keep Your Divorce Records Private

Going through a divorce is obviously a very stressful process, and what can make it even more emotionally and mentally taxing, would be to have your divorce records available to the public eye.  One of the biggest advantages of choosing Collaborative Divorce is that it keeps all of the details of your divorce private.

If your case is litigated in the court system, members of the public can find out all details of your case, including your children.  Chances are you wouldn’t want relatives or your kids reading up on every detail, especially when the divorce becomes very messy and there is a lot of conflict.  It can feel like an invasion of privacy and make relationships very uncomfortable.

Not to mention, in court, many lawyers will strategize with their clients to bring up the most sensitive things about the other parent and the relationship to sway the sympathies of the judge in terms of parenting disputes without a thought as to how this could impact their future or relationships with their children.  This could include very embarrassing things such as alcohol or drug abuse, or even physical and emotional abuse.  Again, these declarations would be signed by and filed in public court.

Your financial information is also exposed when dealing with a court-based divorce.  For most, the thought of having this on record for anyone to access can be quite unnerving.

With Collaborative Divorce, there is the help of coaches to better communicate, resolve issues, work out finances, and develop co-parenting plans. Both you and your spouse work towards making such plans and agreement by entering into good faith negotiations. It is a way to avoid the mudslinging that can happen in a court-based divorce and be more respectful of the person who you once loved enough to say “I do” to.

Choose Collaborative Divorce and move on with your life in the most positive way possible, with your private life kept private. Call Rahul for a FREE initial 20-minute consultation to ask any questions you may have and decide if the Collaborative process is the best choice for you and your partner.

 

Talk it Out in Honour of BC Family Day!

In honour of BC Family Day 2015, Mediate BC will be hosting events across the province to provide the public with information about how mediation can assist families’ transition through separation and divorce without the need to go to court.

I will personally be hosting a table at the events in Surrey and Vancouver.  Come say hello, have some treats, take some print material, and educate friends and family on the benefits of mediation and how to stay out of courts to resolve your family disputes.

BC Family Day                        Mediate BC

Experienced local family mediators will be in 12 Provincial Courthouses during the weeks of February 9th and 16th for these events. CLICK HERE for the full list of cities and dates.

Please refer below to the dates, times, and locations:

Surrey
14340 – 57th Avenue
Tuesday, February 10th
Thursday, February 12th
Hours: 9:00am – 4:00pm

Vancouver (Robson Square)
800 Hornby Street
Monday, February 16th
Hours: 9:30am – 12:30pm

Also, on February 17, 2015, Mediate BC will be hosting a panel discussion on this topic at Surrey City Centre Library: Family Mediation: The Better Way to Address Separation & Divorce, where you will be able to get information on various programs and resources for families from SourcesBC, Options Community Services, PCRS and DIVERSEcityCLICK HERE for full details and to register online.

Learn more about mediation and the benefits of mediationContact me with any questions you may have and be on your way to working it out, out of court.