Dealing with Meddling Family Members When Going Through Divorce

Divorce weighs heavy not just on the couple who are going through the separation but also the family members who are naturally concerned and affected by it too. It’s hard to envision a couple as single individuals after months or years of seeing them together. It is natural to help them sort out their differences and offer advice. But interfering family members can often worsen the situation.

The decision to divorce should start and end with the couple themselves. It is best for the family members to not take sides. But telling them not to interfere can be a sensitive matter. It’s hard to do so without hurting their feelings or creating cracks in your relationship. How do you handle that in the best interests of everyone? Here are a few tips:

Don’t talk about divorce in public

To avoid others interfering in your private matters, be mindful of what you discuss in public. If you are talking about differences and divorce, those around you may be listening in and noting all the information. The more they know, the more they will form unwanted opinions and use information against you or your spouse. Information that comes from personal opinions may not be factual, but based more on hurt emotions. This might fuel matters and you may find the two of you becoming more antagonistic towards each other which might come in the way of a collaborative divorce.

Discourage others from taking sides

Family members tend to take sides when a couple contemplates divorce. It’s natural for parents and siblings, even close friends to support one person, give them advice and reprimand the other. But discourage them to do so because the consequences are undesirable. This makes the process more difficult, cause unnecessary delay and prevent the couple from cordially coming to an agreement on a settlement. The only advice that you need to pay heed to is that of your attorney.

Never allow them to put down your spouse

Public shaming is hurtful. It spurs more resentment, anger and a vengeful temperament. It is important to respect the relationship that was once based on love. Do not let your family and friends put your spouse down in public or private. For a healthy and quick resolution, treat your spouse with respect and request your dear ones from not judging the other. Ask for support and respect for both your decisions instead. 

Never let them discuss the divorce with children

If there are children and custody involved, handle the matter even more sensitively. Divorce can adversely affect children in the long run, affecting the way they handle their future relationships. The only people who should discuss matters on the subject with them should be you and your spouse. Opinions from others could also affect their relationship between you two, fuelling resentment and animosity. Sometimes, children are easy targets for family members to extract information from. Set down guidelines firmly for family members to follow. All proceedings must be planned with their welfare in mind. Never fight with your spouse in front of the children either. It can cause severe emotional damage. To avoid conflict with everyone, keep matters private and confidential and follow the advice of a reliable divorce attorney.

Clean Divorce

Divorce can be an emotionally excruciating not just for the couple involved but for all of their near and dear ones. To avoid a messy one, call Clean Divorce for a congenial, collaborative divorce observing a no-court approach. In such a situation, both spouses have legal access to professional experts who offer financial and emotional support. Call us for a consultation.

Divorce With Minimal Stress – Choose Mediation

When people decide that they are going to get divorced, some just want to get it over with as fast as possible, and others are more motivated to save as much money as possible. Some couples can barely stand to be in the same room as each other, and others are able to remain friendly.  Some couples have children,  and others don’t.  Every situation is different.

It is often perceived that divorce has to be a battleground, with one of the two people coming out as the “winner”.  Fortunately, it doesn’t have to be always be seen as a competition.  If people want to resolve things peacefully and amicably, they can do so via mediation.

Mediation is becoming much more commonplace among divorcing couples.  Here’s why:

  • More opportunity to speak and be heard
  • Resolve issues via communication vs. fighting
  • Stay out of court and keep your divorce matters private
  • Children are protected from excessive conflict
  • Greater flexibility as to when and how you will meet – you could even conveniently have conference calls or Skype
  • Avoid costs of litigation
  • Save time
  • More flexibility to decide on the terms of the divorce settlement – you control the outcome
  • Connections to other important contacts such as divorce coaches, financial specialists, and child psychologists
  • More effective co-parenting after the divorce
  • Ability to consult with mediator in the event that you need them in the future, who knows your history

If this sounds like the perfect solution for your situation, and something you want to explore further, contact Rahul at Clean Divorce in New Westminster (serving the Lower Mainland) for a FREE 20-minute initial consultation.