What’s Included in a Parenting Plan?

Posted on by rahul

When a couple has a child then decides to separate or divorce, the topic of “child custody” or “parenting time” has to be addressed.  The best way to approach this is to create a parenting plan, which is a written document that outlines how parents will raise their child and deal with various situations. It should have enough detail to be useful, without being so inflexible that it becomes unrealistic to implement and follow through on.

A parenting plan can help reduce conflict by outlining guidelines and expectations. Less chance of conflict means children will be able to cope better with the separation or divorce.  It can also alleviate the stress of the separation or divorce if kids observe that their parents are cooperating and doing their best to get along.

It is a good idea to consider the age of your child and how well you are able to communicate and co-parent when determining how specific your parenting plan should be.

The main areas outlined in a parenting plan include:

-> When each parent will care for the child
-> Who will make decisions going forward with regard to the children (jointly or individually, and if the other parent is to be consulted)
-> How information will be shared and communicated between the parents

Parenting plans also include how various other issues will be addressed such as:

Living arrangements and parenting schedules
– Will the child live in one residence or move between two homes?
– Will the parents live within a certain distance from each other for convenience?
– What happens if one parent moves away?
– Details re: drop-off and pick-up times and locations, as well as who is responsible
– Childcare arrangements
– How children will communicate with the other parent when not with them
– How changes to parenting schedules should be dealt with

Vacations & Special Holidays
– Determine which household the child will be during summer vacation and other school breaks, as well as on holidays
– Arrangements for other significant days such as birthday’s, weddings, funerals, Mother’s Day, and Father’s Day

Health
– How will decisions be made regarding medical and dental?
– Who will take the child to their appointments?
– How will parents notify each other should an emergency occur?

Education
– Decisions about where the child will go to school
– Who will attend school events and parent-teacher conferences?
– Payment and consent for school trips
– Reasons for missed days at school

Travel
– If one parent wants to travel with the child, will they give notice to the other parent?
– Is written consent required to take the child out of the country?
– Who keeps the child’s passport?
– Changes and problems with parenting plan
– What will be the process for making changes to the parenting plan?
– How will disagreements be resolved re: the parenting plan?

Activities
– What types of activities will the child participate in?
– Who will pay?
– Who will provide transportation?

Religion
– Decisions re: religious denomination and activities.

Culture
– Decisions re: events, activities, language
– Grandparents and extended family
– When will visits take place?
– Who will be there?

Various other parenting issues such as safety, discipline, use of phone, diet, photographs, pets, introducing the child to new partner etc.

As you can see, a parenting plan can make the transition period from married to separated / divorced much easier, as well as serve as an excellent guideline going forward as your child grows up.

It is a great idea to consult with a Mediator or Collaborative Divorce Lawyer if you need help reaching an agreement and also to ensure that you have all of your bases covered.  Call Rahul at Clean Divorce today!

Questions Kids Ask Parents About Separation or Divorce

Posted on by rahul

The word “divorce” can be one of scariest words that a child will ever hear. Even if it is obvious to the child that the situation at home is not going well, kids never really want to think of a future without their mother and father living in the same house. It evokes feelings of stress, sadness, and confusion.

To make this process as positive as possible, you need to establish open communication.  This is key because it opens the door for kids to express their feelings and ask questions. If they know that you welcome their questions and feedback, it will definitely alleviate their stress and worry, as compared to having to keep everything to themselves and wonder what the future holds. Also, ensure that they understand that it is normal for them to have an emotional response to the divorce.

Kids should also be encouraged to voice their concerns to people close to them that they can trust, aside from parents, which may include grandparents, aunts, uncles, and siblings. It is also a good idea to make sure that they know that they are not the only ones going through this. You likely have other relatives or family friends who have gone through separation or divorce, which you could use as examples that may help them relate.

When you and your spouse decide to separate or divorce, you should expect your child to ask these types of questions:

  • Why are you getting divorced?
  • Was this my fault?
  • Do I still have a family?
  • Will my parents both love me after the divorce?
  • How often will I see my mom/dad?
  • Who will I (and my siblings) live with?
  • Are we going to move?
  • Will I always feel this bad?
  • How long is the divorce going to take?
  • Are you going to get remarried?

The more confidence you have in your answers, the more at ease your child will feel. This is why it is very important to be prepared with what you are going to say prior to telling them about the separation or divorce. The goal is to avoid as much uncertainty as possible.

After your initial discussion, ensure that you check in with your child ongoing to see how they are feeling, if they have any questions, and to ensure that their school work is not suffering from the stress of the situation. Also, remember that divorce is between the adults, not the children. You should never speak ill of the other parent in front of the children. It almost always leads to the children feeling the stress of the situation and taking the blame for it.

It is crucial to make your child feel as though their thoughts and feelings are important and that their voice counts!

An excellent Canadian publication “What happens next?” provides useful information for children about what to expect from their parents’ separation or divorce.

In Collaborative Divorce, the goal is to reduce the negative effects of your separation or divorce on your children as much as possible. Call Rahul for a FREE 20-minute consultation to discuss why this would be a smart choice for the well-being of your family.

 

 

10 Reasons to Choose Mediation for Separation or Divorce

Posted on by rahul

A family law mediator acts as a neutral party to help couples transition out of relationships in a healthy and peaceful way, without the stress of going to court. Experienced mediators help both parties see the viewpoint of the other, with the goal to reach an agreement that is best for everyone involved.

There are a number of factors that affect mediation for separation or divorce, including the complexity of the issues, whether children are involved, and the extent to which both spouses are motivated to seek a resolution. Mediators help couples resolve disputes regarding parenting time, child support, spousal support, the division of family property, etc.

In addition to keeping the situation fair and neutral, there are many benefits to hiring a mediator:

(1) Save time and avoid court delays – Compared to other forms of dispute resolution, mediation is very time effective. People are often surprised at how quickly a dispute can be resolved through hiring a skilled mediator. Court proceedings, for example, can potentially take years to conclude because the focus is on each spouse trying to prove their case (in terms of facts, fault, liability) to a judge. Mediation, on the other hand, is solely focused on settlement. Parties communicate directly with or without their lawyers. Plus, a qualified mediator is trained to resolve disputes quickly by keeping the parties focused and on track to expedite closure.

(2) Save money – Mediation is much more cost effective than a lawsuit. Mediation is handled out of court, so it bypasses the long and expensive court process. In mediation, there is only one mediator (one full-time professional) as opposed to two full-time lawyers trying to help the parties resolve their issues. Parties do not need to have full-time lawyers representing them throughout the process unless they want their lawyer(s) present at mediation. If the parties choose to attend mediation without their lawyers (which most people do), the mediator can help the parties resolve all their disputes, and the parties can then get independent legal advice from a lawyer of their choice.

(3) Protect assets – Mediation helps couples decide together what will happen to the family home, money, savings / investments, taxes, debts, etc. vs. having this dictated by a judge.

(4) Keep it confidential – Mediation happens in private. Unlike a public courtroom, no one usually sits in your mediation session except you or your lawyer. Information disclosed during mediation will not be revealed to anyone with very few exceptions. What happens in mediation is generally not admissible in court.

(5) Mediation improves communication and cooperation – As with all relationships, communication is key. With mediation, parties are more likely to openly discuss their views on the underlying dispute(s), which leads to mutually beneficial resolutions.

(6) Preserve relationships – In most cases, courts and litigation tends to bring out the worst in people, with both parties pointing fingers as to who did what. With mediation, there is a common goal of reaching an agreement vs. placing blame.

(7) Better flexibility for meeting times – As compared to litigation in court, both parties can agree on times to meet that won’t interfere with their work and other obligations.

(8) Better flexibility for parenting time – Parenting time can be agreed upon to best accommodate the schedules of both parties vs. having this decided upon in court.

(9) Less stress – When both parties have the goal of working together towards an amicable solution, there is less stress; you are in control over the outcome. Matters are discussed in a non-confrontation setting vs. arguing in a courtroom in an adversarial process. Also, knowing that your separation or divorce will be kept private also alleviates anxiety.

(10) Final say – Both parties have the final say as to what will happen – not a judge.

Should mediation happen to be unsuccessful, there is still an option to go to court.

To speak with a qualified mediator in Vancouver or New Westminster, call Rahul at Clean Divorce. He will be able to answer all of your questions regarding your options, rights, and how you can best protect yourself and your family when it comes to separating or divorce.

 

 

5 Tips for Telling Kids You Are Separating or Getting a Divorce

Posted on by rahul
Separation or Divorce is not easy.  What can make it even more difficult is when children are involved.  It is very common for parents to struggle as to how they are going to explain their separation / divorce to their kids.

Here are 5 tips for telling your kids that you are separating / getting a divorce:

(1.) Do not say anything until you are 100% sure you are separating. This may seem obvious, but when people get in the heat of the moment, it is easy to say things prematurely.  It can be very scary and stressful for kids to even hear the word “divorce”, and for those reasons, you don’t want to plant this seed of possibility in their minds.  Once that happens, they will be aware that divorce has crossed your mind and could have ongoing fear that it could be a possibility in the future. When you have decided that you are definitely separating, it is crucial to not say anything to your children until you and your partner have both agreed that you will tell the children.  Avoid putting your partner in the position where they could be caught off guard.

(2.) Maintain a unified front. Discuss in detail with your partner how you are going to communicate the separation or divorce to your kids, including why you are separating, and what they can expect from the divorce.  It will ease their anxiety if they are getting the same message from both of you.  This does not necessarily mean that you agree on everything, but try your best to stay on the same page. It would also a great idea for both parents to express that the other parent will always be their parent and love them, but that you just don’t get along as a couple.

(3.) Stay away from the blame game. This can place severe pressure on your kids to feel like they have to take sides.  Just as you wouldn’t want your partner to speak badly of you or tell your kids about your faults that may have lead up to this decision, you shouldn’t do that to them either.  It is very unhealthy for kids to feel like someone is to blame, and this can lead to a breakdown in parent-child relationships that could potentially last a lifetime.  The key is to stay neutral in your language when discussing your partner with your kids.

(4.) Ensure your children know they did not cause this. For their own well-being, kids need to be told directly that they have nothing to do with your decision to divorce.  If you avoid being clear about this, they could carry around the weight of wondering if they are to blame or if they did something wrong to cause this.  Explaining to kids that you grew apart, but that no one is to blame for this would be a good approach to take.  After all, you and your spouse know why you are divorcing.  Your children don’t need to be kept in the loop about every detail.  The less they know, the less they have to worry about.


(5.) Be clear on school and living arrangements. Questions about school and where they are going to live are guaranteed to come up. The more specific you are about this, the more you can alleviate their stress.  However, it is key to stick to what you tell them and avoid making promises that you are not sure you will be able to keep just to appease them in the short term.

By following these tips, you can help make the painful process of divorce more emotionally comforting for your children.

In Collaborative Divorce, the goal is to reduce the negative effects of your separation or divorce on your children as much as possible. Call Rahul for a FREE 20-minute consultation to discuss why Collaborative Divorce would be a smart choice for your family.

Choose Collaborative Divorce and Keep Your Divorce Records Private

Posted on by rahul

Going through a divorce is obviously a very stressful process, and what can make it even more emotionally and mentally taxing, would be to have your divorce records available to the public eye.  One of the biggest advantages of choosing Collaborative Divorce is that it keeps all of the details of your divorce private.

If your case is litigated in the court system, members of the public can find out all details of your case, including your children.  Chances are you wouldn’t want relatives or your kids reading up on every detail, especially when the divorce becomes very messy and there is a lot of conflict.  It can feel like an invasion of privacy and make relationships very uncomfortable.

Not to mention, in court, many lawyers will strategize with their clients to bring up the most sensitive things about the other parent and the relationship to sway the sympathies of the judge in terms of parenting disputes without a thought as to how this could impact their future or relationships with their children.  This could include very embarrassing things such as alcohol or drug abuse, or even physical and emotional abuse.  Again, these declarations would be signed by and filed in public court.

Your financial information is also exposed when dealing with a court-based divorce.  For most, the thought of having this on record for anyone to access can be quite unnerving.

With Collaborative Divorce, there is the help of coaches to better communicate, resolve issues, work out finances, and develop co-parenting plans. Both you and your spouse work towards making such plans and agreement by entering into good faith negotiations. It is a way to avoid the mudslinging that can happen in a court-based divorce and be more respectful of the person who you once loved enough to say “I do” to.

Choose Collaborative Divorce and move on with your life in the most positive way possible, with your private life kept private. Call Rahul for a FREE initial 20-minute consultation to ask any questions you may have and decide if the Collaborative process is the best choice for you and your partner.

 

Entering Into a Common-Law Relationship? You Should Seriously Consider a Cohabitation Agreement.

Posted on by rahul

It can be a very exciting time when you decide to move in with your partner. It is important, however, to not let that excitement overshadow the reality of what you are getting yourself into. Moving in with your partner affects your rights regarding your assets, your income, and your children (if you have any or plan to have any). Many people may think that this only happens when you get married, and in actuality, that is not the case. Common-law couples have rights too.

How do you protect yourself?

No one wants to think that things could potentially not work out, but if your relationship were to dissolve, you will be very happy and relieved to know that you are protected. Some may say it is ‘unromantic’, but, it is the wise thing to do!

It’s called a “Cohabitation Agreement”. This legal document can be used for heterosexual or homosexual couples. You can think of this Agreement as a way of being proactive, should any problems arise in the future. It is an opportunity to set parameters individually suited to you and your partner. It will save you both from unnecessary costs and litigation, should you decide to go your separate ways. As the saying goes, “It is much better to be proactive than reactive”.

When are Cohabitation Agreements made?

Ideally, Cohabitation Agreements are made before people move in together, but they can also be made between partners who are already living together. It is in the best interest of both parties to do this as soon as possible.

What are the goals of a Cohabitation Agreement?

  • To ensure that both parties understand what their legal rights and obligations are.
  • To help protect individual assets, income, and children.
  • To have a plan in place should you separate, or in the unfortunate event that your partner should pass away.

What are the top reasons for getting a Cohabitation Agreement?

(1) To Protect Your Property – You can outline what property can be split and how it will be split. If you own the home that you will both be living in, chances are you will not want to give that up should you breakup. You can also protect any other property you bought prior to cohabitating.

(2) To Protect Your Wealth – If you are earning more money and/or are much wealthier than your partner, you would not have to worry about losing everything that you have worked so hard for.

(3) To Protect Your Inheritances

(4) To Agree How Joint Debts Will Be Paid

(5) To Indicate Whether or Not Spousal Support Will Be Paid

(6) To Protect Your Business – If you do not have a Cohabitation Agreement in place, your partner could essentially end up owning part of your business (whether you have other business partners or not). As you can imagine, this could end up being extremely stressful emotionally and financially. Business partners will often have this requirement in place to protect themselves.

(7) To Protect Your Estate Plan – If you pass away, it will ensure that your assets are distributed as you wish. It will prevent your partner from overturning your estate plan.

It is very important that both parties get independent legal advice about what exactly their Cohabitation Agreement means. This will prevent one partner from saying “I didn’t know what I was signing!” should they try to challenge the Agreement.

A Cohabitation Agreement turns into to a Marriage Agreement if the couple marries.

Contact Clean Divorce today for a FREE 20 minute consultation with Rahul about Cohabitation Agreements in BC to answer any questions that you may have. Your future self will thank you for entering your common-law relationship with a feeling of security and peace of mind!

 

 

 

6 Ways Collaborative Divorce Can Save You Money

Posted on by rahul

So you’ve decided to divorce, and aside from just being emotionally overwhelming, you also have to worry about legal and financial complexities. However, if you choose to divorce collaboratively, you can actually get out of your marriage with minimum expenses and save money!

Being able to save money is one of the most compelling reasons as to why Collaborative Divorce continues to gain popularity.

The Financial Benefits of Collaborative Divorce Include:

(1) No Court Costs – Spouses are able to work out their disputes and resolve their issues without having to go to court. Both parties are required to sign an agreement stating their intention to resolve all matters without going to court.

(2) Reductions in Lawyer Fees Associated with Going to Court – In a traditional divorce, you would be billed by your lawyer for the time that they spend attending hearings and other court appearances, which can add up very quickly. Also, if the court became too busy, your case may have to be postponed. Your lawyer would have to refresh and prepare each time before court, which would also add to your bill.

(3) No Need for Specialized Court Documents – With divorce litigation, there is a huge cost associated with preparing specialized formal documents that must conform to certain rules. The formal documents take time.  More lawyer time = more money.

(4) Length of Time to Finalize the Divorce – Collaborative Divorce is completed much quicker than traditional divorces. This shorter overall process keeps more money in your pocket.

(5) Save Time Away from Work – Attending court and meeting with lawyers means lots of time away from work. Courts set dates with no regard to individual schedules or obligations, and people often have to use up their vacation days. There is much more flexibility in the Collaborative Divorce process, accommodating schedules of both parties.

(6) Childcare Costs – Collaborative Divorce helps you save money on childcare costs because you won’t have to take so much time meeting with lawyers or attending various court dates.  With a more flexible schedule, it would also be easier for you to arrange childcare with friends or relatives.

In summary, any divorce is going to cost you money, but if you and your spouse can agree to resolve your disputes and separate amicably, you will both benefit from a time and financial aspect.  Not to mention, you will be reducing the overall stress that divorce has on spouses and their families, and that is essentially priceless.

Call Clean Divorce today for a FREE 20-minute initial consultation. Rahul is a Collaborative Divorce lawyer in Vancouver and can answer all of your questions about Collaborative Divorce and Mediation, plus equip you with the information you need to make wise decisions for your life, your children, and your finances.

 

 

 

Talk it Out in Honour of BC Family Day!

Posted on by rahul

In honour of BC Family Day 2015, Mediate BC will be hosting events across the province to provide the public with information about how mediation can assist families’ transition through separation and divorce without the need to go to court.

I will personally be hosting a table at the events in Surrey and Vancouver.  Come say hello, have some treats, take some print material, and educate friends and family on the benefits of mediation and how to stay out of courts to resolve your family disputes.

BC Family Day                        Mediate BC

Experienced local family mediators will be in 12 Provincial Courthouses during the weeks of February 9th and 16th for these events. CLICK HERE for the full list of cities and dates.

Please refer below to the dates, times, and locations:

Surrey
14340 – 57th Avenue
Tuesday, February 10th
Thursday, February 12th
Hours: 9:00am – 4:00pm

Vancouver (Robson Square)
800 Hornby Street
Monday, February 16th
Hours: 9:30am – 12:30pm

Also, on February 17, 2015, Mediate BC will be hosting a panel discussion on this topic at Surrey City Centre Library: Family Mediation: The Better Way to Address Separation & Divorce, where you will be able to get information on various programs and resources for families from SourcesBC, Options Community Services, PCRS and DIVERSEcity.  CLICK HERE for full details and to register online.

Learn more about mediation and the benefits of mediation.  Contact me with any questions you may have and be on your way to working it out, out of court.

 

 

 

 

 

 

New Mediation Initiative

Posted on by rahul

The Legal Services Society announced a new mediation initiative in conjunction with Mediate BC  to help low income people resolve there family law disputes through mediation. Call Rahul to find our more.

Clean Divorce Team