Everyone has their own way of coping with divorce. This includes telling ourselves certain things that can inhibit our healing and prevent us from moving on.
Here are 5 common thoughts that newly separated or divorced people have, and why they shouldn’t:
1. “I hate not having my kids around all of the time. I feel guilty.”
In reality, everyone can benefit from free time, whether it be to get errands done, or just to have a break to relieve stress. You shouldn’t feel guilty about having time away from your kids – it can actually make you a better parent. Use this time to spend alone, with friends, working out, enjoying hobbies, and the like. Most parents can only wish they had more time to themselves!
2. “I’m never going to meet anyone else. I hate dating.”
Way too often (married or not), people stay with their partner out of fear that they will not meet anyone else. This is one of the worst reasons to stay with someone. There is always a chance to meet someone else that you can be happy with, but that will never happen if you stay in your bad relationship. When it comes to dating, you have to be positive and patient. Not everyone you meet will be a great match for you, but the most important thing is that you are putting yourself out there and trying! The more dates you go on, the sooner you will find someone you click with.
3. “My ex ruined my life.”
They did not ruin your life because you still have your whole life ahead of you – one that will be full of new experiences, people, and fun times. This was one chapter of your life, and you still have the whole book to explore. Be grateful of all of the good times that you had with your ex and for everything you learned from the relationship. It’s important to take responsibility for your part in the relationship and do what you need to do to become a happier person NOW. That could include counselling, dating new people, travelling, meeting new people, and so on. Dwelling on the past will not help you heal.
4. “My kids will know how badly they treated me!”
Be the bigger person and refrain from talking poorly about your ex to your children. Divorce is extremely hard for kids to experience and the last thing they need is to feel like they are caught in the middle or have to dislike your ex to make you happy. In the long run, you will feel better that you took this approach.
5. “Everyone knows the divorce was not my fault.”
There are always two sides to every story, and it’s simply best not to care what other people think or to try to sway their opinion. It will actually reflect worse on you if you are constantly putting your ex down. Sure, it is one thing to vent to friends, but keep it to a minimum. Remember, the less negativity you put out there, the more people will want to be around you…and you need your friends for support!
Do you know of someone considering separation or divorce? Do you need to talk to a divorce lawyer? Call Rahul. He helps clients in Vancouver, New Westminster, Burnaby, Coquitlam, Richmond, Surrey, and area.