How to Handle Anger that Arises from Separation and Divorce

If you are having a difficult time dealing with your spouse with regard to your separation, it may help to contact a mediator.  You may also find that choosing Collaborative Divorce over a court-based divorce can minimize the amount of hard feelings and anger towards each other. Contact Clean Divorce for a FREE 20-minute initial consultation on both of these.

There are so many different emotions that people go through during and after a separation or divorce.  It is such a huge life change, so it’s to be expected. In addition to feeling disappointment, hurt, and loss, there is also a lot of anger, which many people have a very difficult time dealing with.

Here are 5 strategies that can help you face your anger from separation and divorce in a healthier way:

1. Don’t deny your anger.

Addressing the fact that you are angry is a very positive step. Many people shut down when it comes to these hostile feelings, in hopes that they will just go away, but this usually just evolves into depression.  This anger can end up building up like a volcano – one that will eventually erupt – and that is not healthy for anyone.

It is a good exercise to ask yourself “What am I really angry about?” Make a list of all of the reasons and be very specific. Once you have done this, you can become clearer about how you can begin to let go of this anger and how much better that would feel.  The key is to try to understand your anger instead of feeding into it.  It can be really helpful to seek the help of a professional counsellor or attend anger management classes.

2. Realize that your anger can be the driving force to implement change.

Once you let go of all of the anger that you are carrying around, you can use all of that energy in more positive ways.  You can come up with a plan as to how you can better deal with future situations that stir these same feelings within you, instead of lashing out and letting them control you. We always learn best from experience, after all.  It really is your choice to hold onto the anger or let go of it.  You will be much happier if you choose the latter.

3. Don’t fear that you will lose control of your anger.

You may worry that if you face your anger and choose to let it go, that you will lose control of it.  The reality is that there probably is no basis to this concern.  Just be sure to find a safe and private place to express and vent your anger.  Ensure that you don’t take it out on anyone – especially if you have children.

4. Don’t be concerned about what other people will think.

No one knows what you are going through except you.  You have a right to express your feelings in any way, as long as you don’t harm anyone. People tend to be more embarrassed when it comes to showing their anger because it can be more frowned upon than showing sadness, for example.

5. Get regular exercise to release the stress.

The importance of exercise cannot be emphasized enough when it comes to dealing with stressful situations.  Go for a walk, a run, take a fitness class, or go to the gym.  Just do whatever you can get your heart pumping to help sweat the stress out of your system. Not only is exercise good for you physically…it is amazing for your mental health too.

Are you or someone you know contemplating separation or divorce? Call Rahul at Clean Divorce in New Westminster today.

 

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